It's been almost a year since we ended the destructive relationship.

I was afraid of being alone. Neglected by a narcissistic and melodramatic parent, I felt the need to force love where it shouldn't exist. Because of this, we were together, and I freaked out, panicked, at the thought of us being apart. I was to blame for a lot of the destruction. We fell apart, and love turned to bitterness and resentment. We fed the depression of one another, and in the end, we went our separate ways.

My world crumbled down around me, and I did not know where I should go from there. So many decisions to make, so little time to make them. I've always been pretty bad at decision-making, especially on-the-spot decision-making.

After the initial blow of things, and after another series of events, things got much better.

I am extremely happy now, and when I look back on all that has happened to get me here, I am amazed.

I met a wonderful person, who treats me like I am human; who understands my situation and does not turn me away because of my flaws. Instead, they have helped me to better myself, helped me to realize that I was trying to fill a void left by parents who were both absent in their own ways. I tried to fill-in where love left off, and once I realized this, I no longer felt the need to fill that void.

My significant other, my love, has taught me to love myself. To realize that we are all going to make mistakes, and that we are all able to move on and better ourselves. He has changed the way I reflect on myself, how I think about myself, and has taught me to not put myself down; that I am better than I think I am.

Although when we first got together, the thought that crossed my mind was "Here we go again" with a bit of pessimism from the hurt of the previous relationship; with time, this relationship has felt right.

Full of passion, compassion, and intimacy; this is what a relationship should be. It can be a little silly, sometimes mushy-gushy, and sometimes very frustrating; but we are here for one another, through all the trials we struggle and pass. He is here for me, and is helping me help myself to become a better person, a better me.

Deviations dealing with this journal's subject:

porcelain [link]